Saks Sells Sweatshorts

No, that's not a tongue twister. It's just the truth.

($63.00, Gryphon, Saksfifthavenue.com)

And perhaps the most troubling thing about the existence of these Gryphon denim sweatshorts is I actually considered buying them. What? Don't laugh! My baggy, cuffed drawstring denim sweatpants are really working for me in a sort of Isabel Martant-ish way.

By the way, Saks is having a serious sale, and promo code "HOLIDAYS" = free shipping!

Beautiful, Unattainable, Covetable, Nonsensical: Alexander McQueen Peacock Jacquard Dress

($3,191, Alexander McQueen, Saks)

The black and gold silk jacquard print is, of course, stunning, and OBVS I'm attracted to ANYTHING with peacock in the name, but WHO wants their ass to look like a hot air balloon:


Why wasn't this a straight A-line dress??? Why? WHY? ANSWER ME, SOMEONE!

Things that are black and gold and make more sense: Laura Mercier's Black Gold eye pencil and Sam Sparro's "Black And Gold" video:

The Highs And Very Low Lows Of Cut-Out Heels

I'm truly not the biggest fan of cut-out shoes, especially when they're not sandals; the exception, however, would be Loeffler Randall's cut-out pumps, platforms, booties, and various iterations:

($575, Loeffler Randall, Active Endeavors)

These I can basically deal with. Loeffler Randall, they seem to know what they doing!

Therefore I was glad to see these far-more-affordable knock-knock-knock-offs at Victoria's Secret:

($150, Victoria's Secret)

At those prices, it's like two Loeffler Randalls for the price of one! And I really like the grey and black onesies. They're like the Herve Leger bandage dress of shoes!

($129, Michael Kors, Amazon)

Also okay!

($775, Chloe, Intermix)

Lurves the heel detailing, but OY VA VOY, too much patent. Heidi Montag also favors these, so that'll tell you something right there:


More bad cut-out heels and shoes:

(Giuseppe Zanotti, Intermix)

More like Giuseppe Za-not-ti. OH SHIT! Like something Christina Aguilera picked up at J.Lo's garage sale. Horbs.

($925, Dior, Neiman Marcus)

These Dior heels are either tragically melded together like couture conjoined twins, or else we caught them in the act of copulation. And I didn't know shoes could have sex.

($48, Jeffrey Campbell, 6pm.com)

The exact wrong way to do animal prints. Shudder!!


Um, perhaps the less said about these horrific Pierre Hardy cut-out shoes the better.

(Apprx $120, Topshop)

It's a sandal AND a boot! Rrr... remind me why again?

(Sold out, Chloe, Saks)

That these are sold out suggests to me that there are hundreds, nay THOUSANDS of women out there with equally horbs taste. The horror!

($160, HedoFashions.com)

Thankfully there are several of these disturbing stripper shoes left in all sizes!

($47, Pleaser, Amazon)

Perhaps unsurprisingly, these are mainly available in men's sizes.

($149, John Fluevog)

Marked down from $239. Priced to move. Quickly, one would hope. Gahr.

($48, Urban Outfitters)

The paperbag as shoe! Recyclable footwear, folks!

Tell Me About It, Stud: My Love Affair With Studded Flats Continues

Greetings from the couch, where I'm still parked. Two iced coffees later... I think I'm starting to sprout roots, and I'm pretty sure I gave myself scoliosis just today. That Tom Petty documentary is STILL on ("Comprehensive, revealing and epic in scope..." um... yes, it all of those things). I REALLY need a shower, FYI. SOS... Anyway, I came across these studded ballet slippers today:

($48, Capezio, Bonadrag.com)

They're cool but a little too literal and look pretty uncomfy. They did remind me of how much I love pyramid studs though, especially when they're used in unexpected ways, like with a pair of pretty pink ballet slippers.

Some more studded flats:

($425, Loeffler Randall, Active Endeavors)

Gorgeous, but I'd love them far more without the ankle strappage.

($88, Theory Shoes, Shopbop)
Sorry, but these are repulsive.


($211, Maloles, Zappos Couture)

So elegant.

($59, Jessica Simpson, ShoeMall.com)

Eeek. Cognitive dissonance issues -- cute shoes but they're Jessica Simpson! What to do? What to do?

($50, Calypso)

Cheaper, though only available in sizes 6 and 11.

($174, Kenneth Cole, Endless.com)

Not cheap, but sizes for all!

($12.99, BCOutlet.com)

Only available in size 7, but cheap!

($12.99, GoJane)

Cheapy Mccheap!

($29, Adi Misbehave, Overstock)

Lotsa colors, but the black ones are safest, don't you think?

($12.99, Go Jane)

Eek. Is it bad that I like these?

($41, Matiko, 6pm.com)

Not bad. But I don't understand the idea of the name "6pm." Anyway...

($41, Michael Kors, Overstock)

Pretty, preppy, punk-y! Only left in size 8. Yay if you're an 8, boo if you're not.

($287, Marc by Marc Jacobs, Net-a-porter.com)

I do believe these are the Marc Jacobs studded ballet flats that started it all. Brightest Young Things show you how to make your own!

($126, Marc by Marc Jacobs, Saks Fifth Avenue)

These Marc by Marc Jacobs studded flats, however, are unforgivable.


Finally, you (and by "you," I mean "I") also need some pyramid stud earrings:

($88, Wendy Nichol, Ravinstyle.com)

NEED!

($72, Argento Vivo, Bluefly)

Sophisticado.

($39, Whats That Cat, Etsy)

Etsy seller Whats That Cat has really sweet handmade pyramid stud earrings with sparklies. They're made of polymer clay and look really cool.

($20, Michelle Chang Jewelry, Etsy)

Super cuties sterling silver pyramid stud earrings from Etsy seller Michelle Chang Jewelry. Very much want!

Bags: Want Vs. Do Not Want

Inspired by a Bagtrends.com feature filled with bags I either love or loathe, plus a few other bags that have inspired in me extreme reactions in opposite directions...


WANT:

($1295, Marc Jacobs, Net-a-porter.com)

Delicious.

DO NOT WANT:

($128, Anthropologie)

Raffia disaster.


WANT:

(Price available upon request, Lizzie Fortunato, Refinery 29)

Dream of a bag at a nightmarish price.


DO NOT WANT:

($3395, Jimmy Choo, Net-a-porter.com)

Too Heidi Montag.


WANT:

($1954, Chloe, Asos.com)

Unrealistic for many reasons, one of which is because I am not represented by CAA.


DO NOT WANT:

($145, Aksuona, Bagtrends.com)

Oh no. Goodness, no. It's like a gay mollusk threw up on a gem-encrusted clutch.


DEFINITELY WANT:

($675, Botkier, Saks)

That's more like it.

Dear Prez Bush: Please Hurry Up With That Economic Stimulus Plan -- Or -- Reasons I Need, Like, $350

($348, Marc By Marc Jacobs, Saks)

Dear President Bush,

I realize that you probably don't read Fashionbinge. You probably don't read much of anything at all. And, while we're sharing, I'll confess: I didn't vote for you, brah. Not either time. In fact, I'm really not such a huge fan of your "work" (or lack thereof) in general. But, one thing before you go -- I'd be SOOOO appreciative if you could step it up with that economic stimulus package. I've illustrated the reason why (Marc By Marc Jacobs silk scarf dress in gorgeous magenta with regal purple throughout) with the above photo.

Okay. Please make this happen.

Sincerely,
Tamron Lohan


PS: Also, maybe please consider pulling out of Iraq? Like two years ago? If you could get to that first and THEN the $350, that'd be great. Thanks. My name is Tamron Lohan, and I approve of this post.

Dresses I Wish Weren't $1,120: Chloe's Striped Jersey Dress + "Relatively" Cheaper Options!

($1,120, Chloe, Net-a-porter.com)

ZOMG. Granted, the design and colors of striped jersey Chloe dress are awe-inspiring, um, but, WHY is it over a grand? It's made of fucking JERSEY, people! Look at all the other similarly cute jersey dresses you could purchase for far, far less!

($139, Betsey Johnson, Bluefly)

It's Bluefly, bitches!

($425, Diane von Furstenberg)

Not cheap, to be sure, but it's DVF. Worth every cent for this gorgeous wool frock.

($448, Badgley Mischka, Saks)

Next to Chloe, this Badgley Mischka jersey dress is "a steal!" And it's far more elegante.

($203, Mara Hoffman, Saks)

This doesn't totally apply, even though it is jersey, but I threw it in there because I forgot how much I love Mara Hoffman, and because it's stripey, and because I think it could actually look really cute with some peach-y pumps.

($88, JC de Castelbajac, Yoox.com)

Ok, certainly we're straying a bit too much into total-tennis territory here, but this adorable red-and-white-striped dress feels like a children's book come to life -- now, normally that would be really bad, but the not-too-obtuse scribbles make it whimsical and not too cloying.